Blog Glossary

For anyone who reads my blog and is not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, you may not know what some of these phrases and acronyms mean, so here is a quick glossary:

Book of Mormon: another testament of Jesus Christ. A book of scripture translated through revelation by the prophet Joseph Smith from ancient American text.
BYU: Brigham Young University
First presidency of the Church: President Thomas S. Monson, President Henry B. Eyring, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
General Authority: worldwide leaders of the church
LDS: Latter Day Saints
lds.org: a website of resources used by members of the LDS church
Mission President: Men who are called to preside over a mission
Mission age change: Historic revelation that Mormon missionaries can now serve at a younger age. 18 years old for young men, and 19 for young women.
Mormon.org: a website of tools for people interested in investigating the LDS church
MTC: Missionary training Center
Quorum of the 12: The 12 apostles of Christ who  provide a special witness of him; (in order of seniority) President Boyd K. Packer, Elder L. Tom Perry, Elder Russell M. Neilson, Elder Dallin H. Oaks, Elder M. Russell Ballard, Elder Richard D. Scott, Elder Robert D. Hales, Elder Jeffery R. Holland, Elder David A. Bednar, Elder Quinten L. Cook, Elder D. Todd  Christofferson, Elder Neil L. Anderson

I will add more as they are needed, or as I use them. Thanks for reading, please follow and share!

All Of My Friends Are On Missions

I have been wanting to write this post for a while, but I haven't had the time and energy to write it, but here it goes.

The other day I sat down and looked at my facebook calendar. Over the past 7 months since the mission age change announcement, I have been to over 25 mission farewells and there were many more that I was unable to attend. While I was in high school I had one tight group of friends, and at the end of next month one more of them will be leaving and there will only be two of us left here at home. My friend's are serving everywhere from England to Chile, Nebraska to Washington, Scotland to Ohio. If I wrote each of my friend's serving misssions one letter every month I'd spend.... I didn't actually do the math but a LOT of time writing.

When I heard about the mission age change I was with my family at a marching band competition (were big sinners I know, not watching Saturday conference ;) ) and I stared at my mom and I just started to cry. I was so scared that I wouldn't be ready for a mission, or more accurately that people would judge me for having no desire to go on a mission at all. I got a text from my best friend in the entire world, and all it said was, "I'm going." At that moment my mind went blank, I didn't know what to think...I just started crying again.

Week after week new friends posted on facebook about their papers going in or receiving their calls, and I felt sick because I didn't even want to go. I talked with my dad and I asked about his mission and I wrote to my brother and several friends who were already serving and begged them for advice on what to do. All of their experiences sounded amazing, and I knew that they were loving their service, but I didn't feel a desire to do it myself.

Finally once I had thought it over for a long time I decided to pray and ask my Father in Heaven. I prayed to ask why I felt so wrong about going, and whether I was supposed to go at all. After praying a few times I was reading my patriarchal blessing, and I felt an overwhelming peace telling me that it was ok if I didn't serve. I felt so releaved and I felt an outpouring of love from my father in heaven and my savior.

Then my two best friends had their farwells and left into the field... The answer that I felt was so right before was so hard once I was making it alone. The day that I saw my best friend of eleven years for the last time I cried more than I had ever cried in my life before. My parents took me to see her at her house before taking my back up to Logan to finish school. When I realized that I couldn't wait any longer before I had to go I hugged her and wouldn't let go. We were both crying and people were probably staring but I didn't see any of them. It was just me and Brittany, and nothing and no one else mattered to me. I told her how proud I was of her and that j loved her more than anyone else in the world. She told me that she'd miss me and that she wanted to hear about everything that happened with me while she was gone. When I finally let go of her, and had to walk away, I coulsnt stop the tears. My mom held my hand and walked me to the car and my parents just let me cry.

I felt all of the sudden entirely alone. My brother, my best friend, my cousins, and most of the people I grew up with were gone, and I felt like there was no one on this planet who understood. I just wanted to talk to someone who would get it, but all of the people I wanted to talk to the most were on missions. What a coincidence.

I went through a few weeks of feeling this way. Of feeling alone and sad and I started to doubt the answer I recieved from the Lord. I was going through a lit of stuff and I felt unhappy and unwanted. I was struggling to pray and read my scriptures and I felt like my life had no purpose. Then one night I couldn't take it any more, so I wrote to the one person I have always been able to talk to, my older brother Jordan. I wrote and cried, and wrote and cried some more and when I finished I had typed a five page email. I want to share a few things that he shared with me in his response...

"I remember when you asked me for advice about going on the mission and that you said that you recieved an answer to stay. Have confidence in the answer you've recieved and trust it. Have faith that Everything will turn out fine and that God knows best for you. Never doubt an answer you recieve from God." He also gave me this advice, " First of all READ! it doesn't matter what it is and you don't have to try to find something that applies just read, because EVERYTHING applies. With Prayer don't worry about trying to come up with meaningful things to say, because to God EVERYTHING you say is meaningful, He loves you and want's to hear everything. The thing I've noticed is that what really makes us grow up and be more spiritual in the mission isn't anything more than that we're doing the basic things and living the gospel. It helps to be able to teach others, but What makes us grow more than anything is the Daily studying of the scriptures and the prayers at every possible moment." Sometimes it is beyond crazy for me to believe that this is my same shy dorky brother who left for Uruguay over a year and a half ago. He has grown so much and he is so wise.

It's still hard having my friends be gone, and sometimes I still feel alone, and I'm still not perfect about reading and praying, but when I follow my brother's advice I feel better. When I pray I feel happier and good things happen. I still miss them, but I trust in the Lord and his plan for me. I feel good about my decision to stay and I am constantly looking for reasons that I am needed here at home. My testimony isn't perfect, but I'm working on it. I know there are other people out there in my same position, and I want you to know that I've learned that the lord has a different plan for everyone. Never feel bad for your plan being different than someone else's.